Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
