I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize