I got chris browned last night
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
thus making me awesome and them whores
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
