I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
