Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
