2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm having to shit out rocks
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
