Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
