holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
