Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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