I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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