I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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