so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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