mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want her autograph on my taint
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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