I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
