he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
