At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i love accidental penises.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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