I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
