Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
