I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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