you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you would pick up someone in the library
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
