There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
