ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
