My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
