he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
