You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
