so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
