Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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