Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
