you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
