He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize