No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
