Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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