she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
