so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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