I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
