I'm going to jail i love you
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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