Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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