Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
