I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
