you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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