You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
