I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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