I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
