Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
