I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm having to shit out rocks
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
