I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
