so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
