Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
