i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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