I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
