I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
