just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
