Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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