So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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