you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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