someone threw a dead crab at me
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
