toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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