I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
