I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
