If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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