i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
