does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Found your dick twin last night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize