Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
