i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My underwear smells like fireworks.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
