If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we made out on top of his cat.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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